How not to win a Nobel Peace Prize

 When the inventor, entrepreneur and businessman Alfred Nobel died, his will stated that his fortune was to be used to reward “those who, during the preceding year, shall have conferred the greatest benefit to humankind.”

The Nobel Peace Prize was first awarded in 1901, and is awarded to a nominated person who the Committee believes has done the most towards promoting peace.

This year, the Committee has awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to Venezuelan democracy advocate and opposition leader, Maria Corina Machado, "for her tireless work promoting democratic rights for the people of Venezuela and for her struggle to achieve a just and peaceful transition from dictatorship to democracy."

Predictably, the malignant, bloviating orange blob currently occupying the White House, is throwing a full-scale hissy fit over the Committee's failure to award the prize to him, having been duly nominated by that other paragon of peace, the genocidal narcissist, Netanyahu. The White House press director stated on social media that the Nobel Committee has "placed politics above peace." Presumably, according to the cult acolytes and sycophants in the White House, by not caving into the demands of an oversized, overindulged toddler, the Committee in charge of perpetuating the legacy of Alfred Nobel is somehow neglecting its duty.

However, here's a few tips for the animated blob of tangerine slime if he ever wants to hear his name mentioned in the same sentence as Nobel and Peace.

  • The leaders of countries who deploy the military against their own citizens do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • The leaders of countries who rebadge their Department of Defense as the Department of War, and harangue military leaders about promoting a "warrior ethos" do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • People who suppress free speech by indicting their critics and silencing the press do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • People who abandon the Rule of Law for the purposes of power do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Presidents who approve and then applaud the blowing up of civilian boats in international waters do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • People who hold international organisations in contempt and use international conferences as a platform for promoting division do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Leaders of countries who boast about their intention to use force to annex other countries do not win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Presidents who refer to non-citizens as "scum" and "animals" before forcibly deporting them to countries looking to make a profit from their incarceration do not win the Nobel Peace Prize. 

And this is still only ten months into a four-year term.

For the record, in awarding the Peace Prize to Ms Machado, the Nobel Committee stated:

Ms Machado has been a key, unifying figure in a political opposition that was once deeply divided – an opposition that found common ground in the demand for free elections and representative government. This is precisely what lies at the heart of democracy: our shared willingness to defend the principles of popular rule, even though we disagree. At a time when democracy is under threat, it is more important than ever to defend this common ground...

... Democracy is a precondition for lasting peace. However, we live in a world where democracy is in retreat, where more and more authoritarian regimes are challenging norms and resorting to violence. The Venezuelan regime’s rigid hold on power and its repression of the population are not unique in the world. We see the same trends globally: rule of law abused by those in control, free media silenced, critics imprisoned, and societies pushed towards authoritarian rule and militarisation. In 2024, more elections were held than ever before, but fewer and fewer are free and fair. 

One might almost think the Nobel Committee was making a point. Don't call us, we'll call you.


 

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